02-13-2019, 12:43 AM
On a Day Like This
The houses
are like footprints in snow. ----------------> This statement is kind of out right, and I believe a more artistic approach would really set the mood for the poem.
The draft against my skin
helps me
remember boots
I’ve lost,
following friends
I no longer know.
The winter wind sounds
like half forgotten loneliness, ------> kind of abstract, maybe add some concrete words, and utilize imagery.
chasing memories -----------------> This ending is pretty abrupt, and I believe
of home.
I love the poem, and it shows great potential. Please consider a few suggestions.
The houses,
mere footprints in snow
remind me of the past I so often push away.
The bitter draft scarping against my skin
helps me
remember boots
I’ve lost,
chasing friends
I no longer know.
Who no longer see me standing behind the clear glass of memory.
The winter wind sounds
like half forgotten loneliness,
chasing memories
of home.
The houses
are like footprints in snow. ----------------> This statement is kind of out right, and I believe a more artistic approach would really set the mood for the poem.
The draft against my skin
helps me
remember boots
I’ve lost,
following friends
I no longer know.
The winter wind sounds
like half forgotten loneliness, ------> kind of abstract, maybe add some concrete words, and utilize imagery.
chasing memories -----------------> This ending is pretty abrupt, and I believe
of home.
I love the poem, and it shows great potential. Please consider a few suggestions.
The houses,
mere footprints in snow
remind me of the past I so often push away.
The bitter draft scarping against my skin
helps me
remember boots
I’ve lost,
chasing friends
I no longer know.
Who no longer see me standing behind the clear glass of memory.
The winter wind sounds
like half forgotten loneliness,
chasing memories
of home.