01-12-2019, 05:48 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-12-2019, 06:33 PM by RiverNotch.)
Thanks again for the feedback. New edit is up. Couple of notes:
1. the rhythm I don't think exceeds in those places. I kept the long-gestated idea of the meter 'changing' with the seasons: warmer lines are trochaic, colder lines are iambic, with slight variations to both. that said, i'm still anxious about the execution
2. i did mean 'drafted', using the noun for certain amounts of alcohol as a verb. 'supple', on the other hand...
having worked on this for about four years now, i'm extra uncertain about all the little details. critique still welcome.
PS forgot to mention: defo agree the title grows lackluster.
1. the rhythm I don't think exceeds in those places. I kept the long-gestated idea of the meter 'changing' with the seasons: warmer lines are trochaic, colder lines are iambic, with slight variations to both. that said, i'm still anxious about the execution
2. i did mean 'drafted', using the noun for certain amounts of alcohol as a verb. 'supple', on the other hand...
having worked on this for about four years now, i'm extra uncertain about all the little details. critique still welcome.
PS forgot to mention: defo agree the title grows lackluster.