First Edit: Lonesome as a Hotel Lobby Christmas Tree

[Xlateralus]

Lonesome as a Hotel Lobby Christmas Tree

Easily overlooked
among late arrivals,
early checkouts.
Lights obey a timer,
while an aged angel
is crooked, burned out,
but its halo freshly painted.

hi. I rather like the idea of a lonesome hotel lobby christmas tree. It’s quite a powerful image, yet id never noticed how lonesome it looks till now, with this poem. You’ve got a great starting point you have found, i think. An idea you might want to (or not) work is is that most hotel tres are also fake and cheep. I’m not getting the freshly painted halo. I’m picturing a motel six or america’s best value inn, you know, the cheap ones... looks like you were going for a subtle contrast but i’m not getting it from the last line here.

I'd like to think
you'd notice too:
stop, smile,
whisper some words
just loud enough
so you feel a little less alone.

maybe cut the last line there. This stanza is interesting enough for me, but the poem just seems to fall a little flat. Can’t quite put my finger on it. I can feel the lonesome christmas tree but not the sense of redemption. Could be me. I think the idea of putting the christmas tree (loneliness) away til next christmas could be interesting, more, but maybe that’s a different poem.