Travel Costs

[billy]

hi richard, have i read this one before? it seems familiar. i like the tongue in cheek title. lots to like though i think a couple of places could use an image to the poems benefit. enjoyed the last two lines of the first stanza. made me think of the costs of unsafe sex that people sometimes face.

Travel Costs

He used to be her weekend getaway: good 1st line. sets up the poem well.
hand-me-down sheets wet, not sure [hand me down] works, maybe use a stronger image. personally i think the comma should be after sheets if you use one.
as a rain drenched map,
dandruff napping on pillows, great line and good image.
lights dim, but bright enough feels a little wordy, why [lights dim but] why not create an image or simile of dim lights.
to admire crooked penis and misshapen breasts, i like this line, it shows shows those imperfections that make us different and human.
their only directions, unread,
on the back of a condom box.

Now, an eight hour drive puts her to bed, could this be better stated?
while he lies alone, old blanket creates a strong feel of seedy.
tacked over his window-
darkness a more familiar destination
than it should be.