He Still Enjoys Christmas
#4
(11-19-2018, 09:30 AM)Richard Wrote:  He Still Enjoys Christmas

She used to hum about reindeer
in October, place Santa hats
on helpless jack-o-lanterns, 
homemade eggnog in the fridge.
It was when her Christmas pants
were tight enough for him to notice, -personal preference but I would replace the comma with a connector like 'that' 
she didn't wake up on Boxing Day alone. -aw 

Today, she thinks of Rudolph
having to overdose because of the bullies, -you could cut having to, so just 'overdosing [on what?... snow cocaine... Sad
the mall Santa hourly.
He left her on New Year's Eve
for someone named Candy Cane. -i think you could cut someone named. 
She disliked irony after that. -for me, this line falls a bit flat on its own. maybe 'avoided' instead of disliked
She hadn't learned to hate yet: 
positive pregnancy test negated -negated seems odd choice here? but I'm probably missing the point. 
by unanswered phone calls
(no appropriate emoji),
his half of the abortion unpaid. -love this ending. 
didnt really glance up at the title until i got to the end of the poem. that was a punch.
to flourish is to fall, dust before the wind 
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Messages In This Thread
He Still Enjoys Christmas - by Richard - 11-19-2018, 09:30 AM
RE: He Still Enjoys Christmas - by billy - 11-19-2018, 01:21 PM
RE: He Still Enjoys Christmas - by dukealien - 11-19-2018, 11:05 PM
RE: He Still Enjoys Christmas - by nozaki - 11-20-2018, 01:46 AM
RE: He Still Enjoys Christmas - by Richard - 11-20-2018, 10:37 AM
RE: He Still Enjoys Christmas - by Ally - 12-10-2018, 03:39 AM
RE: He Still Enjoys Christmas - by Richard - 12-13-2018, 01:00 PM
RE: He Still Enjoys Christmas - by Ally - 12-14-2018, 04:10 AM



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