10-28-2018, 06:24 AM
I like the first version better. The rhymes are weaved neatly, and I don't get why people don't get the chairs and strings thing. It's quite obvious. As for jambification it's a form that can help you with rythm if you don't have the flow, but to be honest, all you need is to focus on a flow of stressed and unstressed syllables. It's about ear, not metrics.
Now, to be critical and all, the first half of the original is what works best. The latter part becomes speculative in a navel drilling way. In my humble opinion it is always better to evoke emotions/thoughts/doubts etc through imagery than expressing it directly, but that might be a matter of taste. But the way i see it, that is the most significant difference between poetry and prose
Now, to be critical and all, the first half of the original is what works best. The latter part becomes speculative in a navel drilling way. In my humble opinion it is always better to evoke emotions/thoughts/doubts etc through imagery than expressing it directly, but that might be a matter of taste. But the way i see it, that is the most significant difference between poetry and prose