10-15-2018, 10:08 AM
A bottle of whiskey; bourbon perhaps? My favourite !!!
I enjoy the imagery very much, and the variables you extracted from the scenario function profoundly well as symbolism, nicely done.
The title can do more than reflect the state of decay and is too generic for the depth of a piece which touches on elements of remorse and nostalgia.
I think the descriptive nature of the first stanza overwhelms the lack thereof in the second stanza, where you could have given some of that anguish a little more room to breathe. Something about the transition between the stanzas seems a little empty too.
I think the ending served its purpose but could have been worded in a less explicit manner, it's a little too blunt but that effect gave it a nice "nail in the coffin" so to speak.
I enjoy the imagery very much, and the variables you extracted from the scenario function profoundly well as symbolism, nicely done.
The title can do more than reflect the state of decay and is too generic for the depth of a piece which touches on elements of remorse and nostalgia.
I think the descriptive nature of the first stanza overwhelms the lack thereof in the second stanza, where you could have given some of that anguish a little more room to breathe. Something about the transition between the stanzas seems a little empty too.
I think the ending served its purpose but could have been worded in a less explicit manner, it's a little too blunt but that effect gave it a nice "nail in the coffin" so to speak.
assholery not intended .