Second Edit: So Pungent That a Nose Bleed was Inevitable

[nozaki]

A Gardener's Folly

So pungent that a nose bleed was inevitable... -wistful line. Sets the tone. 

Do you remember the first time penetrated by my fingers?
They smelled of you for days, your satisfaction
quieter than my neighbor's lawnmower.
Your money planted in an envelope,
brown as the dirt under my nails. -I confess I'm not a fan of this stanza, which- for me- fails to transform the mundane into something more. It remains simply odd. The innuendo borders on comedic, was that the intended effect? 

"Should I close the window,"
I whispered. "No, I love the smell -ah, nice line break. 
of freshly cut grass." you answered, -small, but parallelism/grammar calls for 'grass," you'.
naked, yet so much still unknown; -with the next line, this one seems unnecessary. 
your unsymmetrical breasts reminding me of us. -wish you could elaborate on the asymmetry between the two lovers, which seems to be a primary focus in this poem. 

Two years later, my spade stuttered through soil
after you ended this transaction- -love these two lines, especially the word 'stuttered'; reveals so much about the nature of this relationship. 
I didn't think you capable of unsolicited love. -unsolicited throws me off. Who is the giver & receiver? Am I lost? Is this referring to the money in the envelope? Help... 

Our eyes would have never met that day
if you didn't drench yourself in that cheap perfume; -bit wordy. Perhaps, 'if not for that cheap perfume'? 
artificial sweetness washed away -lost again by the placement of this line. How does it connect to the next line? 
the shit stench stuck in my nostrils' memory -'nostrils' memory' makes me deeply uncomfortable, & not in a good way. 
as I buzzed around you like a hungry bee,
your proposition a flower with a stigma. -strong closer. 

A Botanist's Love Song

So pungent that a nose bleed was inevitable...

Do you remember the first time penetrated by my fingers?
They smelled of you for days, your satisfaction
quieter than my neighbor's lawnmower.
Your money in an envelope,
brown as autumn leaves.

"Should I close the window,"
I whispered. "No, I love the smell
of freshly cut grass." you answered,
naked, yet so much still unknown-
your unsymmetrical breasts reminding me of us.

My spade slices through soil with greater ease
than saying goodbye after two years.
Our eyes would have never met that day
if you didn't drench yourself in that cheap perfume;
I buzzed around you like a hungry bee,
your proposition a flower with a stigma.

won't match river's crit but hopefully some thoughts will be useful--i think the middle stanzas are the strongest, the first and last suffering from a lack of strong focus; it is botany, and love, perhaps, but all a bit randomized. enjoyed the read, there really were some lovely lines here.