First Edit: The Solvent Blues/Solvent

[alonso ramoran]

Hey Richard, comments below

The Solvent Blues

Bought at the dollar store,
but that clear golden liquid
cost more than a dollar. improper verb tense of "cost" works fine here to add a more rootsy/folksy tone tone to the poem, esp when considering the title. Overall great start to the poem and great job embodying the title in the first stanza.

Measured twice to safeguard
against the correct amount,
her eyes are finally allowed
to tear up. Water turns murky
from soap and bubble- I'd go with "bubbles" and a double dash for an em dash, though I think a comma should suffice. And I'm not sure if "murky" is the right word only because it evokes dark and muddy imagery. I think words like "opaque" or "cloudy" would substitute better
the mop quiet as a nun
waiting for a priest. I like this simile here.
Fake pine smell sweeter The improper verb tense of smell interrupts the reading more than adding a folksy flare to the poem's tone. Not sure if this was intentional. I'd either write "pine" as "pines" or "smell" as "smells". I really like the idea of this clause btw.
than a Christmas tree;
disappearing dirt a side effect
of her light headedness. I feel like a dash is needed in "light headedness", but I might be wrong

Each thrust a push further
from their bedroom, where
he closes his eyes, even in the dark,
where she still exclaims, “Oh God!”
at the proper moment. This stanza starts confusing me with the religious/sexual overtones. I mean the stanza itself is well-written but I question its importance. I was also led to believe there was a clear distinction between the pronouns of the "mop" and cleaner; I thought the "she" was the cleaner because of S2L3 as well as the mop because of the simile in S2L6-7. But then it's also because of that simile I start to think that the cleaner is now a "he". I think, and I might be overstepping my position as just a critic w/ this idea, that you should maybe cut out the priest/nun metaphor from the poem altogether to avoid confusion with who is who. If I'm missing something, feel free to hint at it in a spoiler.

Her prayers are always denied an amen.

Yet they still practice weekly,
as their therapist suggested,
but she'll never tell him him as in the therapist? or priest? Bringing a therapist into play in a poem that has some to do with cleaning makes me think OCD. Just thought I'd point that out.
how free she feels
cleaning I like the isolation of "cleaning"
behind locked windows.

My reading was a little muddled with the priest/nun metaphor but I still hope I've said something with substance. Also, it seems as if you lose the conversational tone you had in the first stanza as the poem progresses, which is unfortunate. I'll have to disagree with justmercedes on omitting the small words; I feel like words like "finally" serves a lot in sentences like the one in S2L3.

Best, Alex