Space vs. Soul

[GrhmJngL]

Most of what I would say has already been said, but just to reiterate: the feeling is in one sense very much there, but the problem is that the poem mostly just tells us what you’re feeling about the topic, and then lists a load of adjectives relating to it. As a rule, lists of adjectives aren’t your friend as a writer. In a poem it’s much more effective to communicate you’re feelings by showing us what has triggered those questions and emotions, in language that conveys and gets across that beauty or mystery, instead of just tellling is that it’s there. Unless I’m personally very close to you, telling me that you’re happy, sad, angry, horny, etc. isn’t going to make me feel the same way.

Your passion is clear, and I’d love to see more from you like this, written with some of the pointers others have given above in my mind.

Thanks for the read.
Keep writing.
Graham