06-13-2018, 02:43 AM
Well this is my hello
This is my goodbye
It's hard to say these things
I'll always wonder why -"Why" what exactly?
You would have been a joy
I know you'd make me proud
But life didn't quite give you the chance
To really come around -These last two lines lose the flow
I love the name your mother gave you
I know shes very sad -I think sad is not the strongest word to convey a mother’s loss
But the fact she got to know you
It really makes her glad -Again I think glad is not a strong enough word
She didn't see your face
Or know quite who you'd be
Just like the rest of the would -*world?
Who didn't get to see - I am assuming you are saying never got to see their face or just who they would become?
But tho they may not know you -*though?
There's few who'll never forget – Loses the flow mayhap “There’s few who won’t forget”
Like me, I promise you – Are you purposefully rhyming "you" with "you"?
I'll always be your proud Aunt.
I may have never known your gender
Or got to hold you in my arms
But that doesn't mean your not real -*you’re
That doesn't mean your forever gone
Maybe from this Earth
You'll never get to be
But one day in heaven
Ill be there for you to see – It may be stronger if you make it seem like the child is waiting for you in heaven ex. You’ll be there waiting for me ???
The rhyme pattern here is very jilted, I do not know if that is purposeful, but it leaves the end and beginning of the poem a completely different tone than the middle section.
I am so sorry for your loss this must be an incredibly difficult time.
This is my goodbye
It's hard to say these things
I'll always wonder why -"Why" what exactly?
You would have been a joy
I know you'd make me proud
But life didn't quite give you the chance
To really come around -These last two lines lose the flow
I love the name your mother gave you
I know shes very sad -I think sad is not the strongest word to convey a mother’s loss
But the fact she got to know you
It really makes her glad -Again I think glad is not a strong enough word
She didn't see your face
Or know quite who you'd be
Just like the rest of the would -*world?
Who didn't get to see - I am assuming you are saying never got to see their face or just who they would become?
But tho they may not know you -*though?
There's few who'll never forget – Loses the flow mayhap “There’s few who won’t forget”
Like me, I promise you – Are you purposefully rhyming "you" with "you"?
I'll always be your proud Aunt.
I may have never known your gender
Or got to hold you in my arms
But that doesn't mean your not real -*you’re
That doesn't mean your forever gone
Maybe from this Earth
You'll never get to be
But one day in heaven
Ill be there for you to see – It may be stronger if you make it seem like the child is waiting for you in heaven ex. You’ll be there waiting for me ???
The rhyme pattern here is very jilted, I do not know if that is purposeful, but it leaves the end and beginning of the poem a completely different tone than the middle section.
I am so sorry for your loss this must be an incredibly difficult time.