This Year I Take Your Place (Revision 1c)

[danny_]

Thanks Todd! What I apparently didn't portray very well is that this carnival has multiple rides effecting the image. So those young loves tipping over the side of the world is actually a roller coaster. That's there as atmosphere - it's what is heard in that moment. The merry-go round nearby stained the shirt. And the swings nearby were the distraction when they shut down. I wish that was more apparent; if you have any ideas on how to clarify that, let me know.

I appreciate the notes on the line breaks, will definitely use some of those suggestions.

Edit: Oh, I see the point about "watching woods outside the grounds". The woods are outside, but no one else. I'll consider clearing that up.