This Year I Take Your Place (Revision 1c)

[danny_]

wouldn't the neon out shine
the moon?

That's something I also considered, but actually saw in real life. Somehow the lights cooperated. But in reading, I agree, it's a little hard to imagine.

Into whispering, chilled woods you stared.
cut this, it's just melodrama.

Good point. I still want some image of what I saw, so that one can also disappear later.

Thanks for your reply! You've brought to light some good points. Especially self-indulgence. I do want some sentiment but this drags it out too long. That's something I'll keep in mind for other works too. Your other points are all valid and probably will be used in some fashion.

I'm still open to other reader perspectives if anyone has something to add or views things differently.