ALEX CHANCE MCCONNEL

[cloud]

The loss of potential is tragic, truly.
But sadly, in the same way of a miscarriage, you obscured the potential depth in this poem by sticking to a boring, simple formula.
not much in the way of depth, honestly

It would have been way more interesting (and thoughtful) if you drew conclusions from loss, instead of inserting some pseudo-happy wishful thinking to all of this.
such resolutions are superficial, because optimism pales in comparison to actual tragedy

Well this is my hello
This is my goodbye
It's hard to say these things
I'll always wonder why You should have elaborated on how this loss impacted you personally, draw in depth conclusions that mean something
You would have been a joy children are often little monsters once you get to know them
I know you'd make me proud (who knows?)
But life didn't quite give you the chance Elaborate on this!!! There's a lot of depth here

-- from here it's just all the same content revolving around loss of potential
To really come around
I love the name your mother gave you
I know shes very sad
But the fact she got to know you
It really makes her glad
[snip]
But that doesn't mean your not real
That doesn't mean your forever gone actually that's exactly what it means, extract something from obvious pain
Maybe from this Earth
You'll never get to be
But one day in heaven
Ill be there for you to see

This kind of superficial train of thoughts should be directed towards comforting the victim
not in poetry!!