High Choice - edit2

[Knot]

Hi duke,
couple of thoughts on a strong piece.

Two men ride bareback high above
I think it was better with the more
suggestively homoerotic 'unprotected'
included in the line
a level polder, working manfully
Could 'level' be swapped for something
(perhaps a geographic location) as
it is rather implied by 'polder'
to fix a windmill-generator.
Just a suggestion;
Two men ride bareback, unprotected,
high above a level polder, manfully
working to fix a windmill-generator.

Blades run wild, stripped gears
ignite old lubricants---black smoke,
a flaming halo traps the pair.
I don't think this flows as well as S1 and
the burning/falling couplet and 'black smoke'
could do with a modifier (greasy, or some-such).
Might 'traps' be improved?
(artful use of 'flaming' though)
Stripped gears, blades run wild,
old lubricants ignite and trap the pair
[...] black smoke, a flaming halo..

They hug, as men will in extremis.
(maybe move 'Grace' to here?)
It really doesn't wok that well at the end
and rather diminishes the power of the
final couplet I think.

Then one leaps for fear of burning
and one burns for fear of falling.


Enjoyed the read.

Best, Knot.