The Fucking Band-Aid

[ritwiksadhu33]

I really liked the poem overall. A few small things seemed out of place, although I may be nitpicking here. I've pointed them out below.

Edited Version:

Breathe slowly
Breathe deep
Heal slowly
Heal deep These lines really bring out dimensions of the "injury". I like.

glued Skin - bound,
each piece leaves
a mark

Passion to heal
addicted to mend
aroused by repair
licking the gash
some past Juliets left

Leftover warmth. Excellent use of enjambment, well suited to the words

No dirt. the itching
beneath, bearing it,
fondling the wound.

Techniques to re-build
under water and heat
against dust and rust
Distinct alteration
slow transmutation Nice contrast, but the combination of two heavy words
Interrupts the tone of the poem a little here. I am not suggesting you edit this though

from a sterile device
to a carnal drag.

Eroded and sloppy starts to detach
no more affection,
lust or infections Too many words, maybe? I'd suggest you bring them out of the grammatical framework if you must use them. Much like the first line of this paragraph.
Holding your breath
pull it apart
unfold the fresh scar

Leftover love.


(Original)
Breathe slowly
Breathe deep
Heal slowly
Heal deep
 
Skin-bound
gluing each piece
healing it good
leaves a mark
 
Passion to heal
addicted to mend, aroused by repair
licking the gash
some past Juliets left
Leftover warmth.
 
Stick to it
such a good job
The itching beneath,
no scratching allowed.
Stuck to it, bearing it
worn down, well done.
no dirt, no mud
fondling the wound.
 
Techniques to re-build
under water and heat, against dust and rust
Distinct alteration
slow transmutation
from a sterile device
to a carnal drag.
 
Eroded and sloppy starts to detach
no more affection,
lust or infections
Holding your breath
pull it apart
unfold the fresh scar.
 
Leftovers of love