I'm Fine

[SpaceDirt]

(This is my first poem posted here, and is the first in a series of acrostics that I may or may not continue. Any thoughts are welcome, as I'm only 15 and still working on writing).

I keep it hidden, boiling, festering
Melting away my soul.
Finally, I succumb.
It's been going on forever, and it will
Never go away.

Everybody knows, but I still say it.

[cloud]

I enjoy the aesthetics of your lines, truly

I keep it hidden, boiling, festering 
Melting away my soul. 'away' is decent, but it's a stylistic choice 
Finally, I succumb. hmm, too sudden acceptance for something which is melting one's soul
It's been going on forever, and it will 
Never goes away. 
you could have ended it here, or not, it wouldn't have left much of an impact either way.

Everybody knows, but I still say it. uhm, so what?
I think this ending is too arbitrary compared to the rest, & it would be better left out. A misdirection can be a good way to end, but this left me with more questions than answers to what "it" could be.

Nice read, I reckon if you keep at it, by the time you're 20, you'll be an awesome poet

[SpaceDirt]

I enjoy the aesthetics of your lines, truly

I keep it hidden, boiling, festering 
Melting away my soul. 'away' is decent, but it's a stylistic choice 
Finally, I succumb. hmm, too sudden acceptance for something which is melting one's soul
It's been going on forever, and it will 
Never goes away. 
you could have ended it here, or not, it wouldn't have left much of an impact either way.

Everybody knows, but I still say it. uhm, so what?
I think this ending is too arbitrary compared to the rest, & it would be better left out. A misdirection can be a good way to end, but this left me with more questions than answers to what "it" could be.

Nice read, I reckon if you keep at it, by the time you're 20, you'll be an awesome poet

Thanks. I guess though the "it" that you're referring to is given by the first letter of each line, and that's why I included it.

[Bmce]

I had the same question as Cloud, as the "It" is referenced in the first, fourth and last line. Clearly, the narrator is not fine ("I keep it hidden, boiling, festering") or at least is passionate and I don't think you'd be giving anything up by sharing what "it" is (masturbation? cutting? singing? writing?) if only to have greater control in your work, before letting others decide your intention.
I like the compactness of this as well as the control over the acrostic.

Thank you for sharing.

[danny_]

Welcome to the board. I see "I'm Fine" written by the first letter of each line. I'll share a few thoughts-

I keep it hidden, boiling, festering < Indicates inner turmoil
Melting away my soul.
Finally, I succumb. < You give in to some weakness
It's been going on forever, and it will
Never go away. < You reason it's here to stay and cannot be changed.

Everybody knows, but I still say it.

EDIT: I see now you mean everyone knows you are not fine,
but still you say you are. I am left to wonder what you
succumb to. Although your poem is clear and to the point, I am
not touched emotionally because I don't know what you are
struggling with. You have simply phrased a few facts in a clean
fashion. What is the goal of your poem? Why do you post it for
critique? If it's just to make a point, you don't really need to
edit it. But if you are trying to share a true struggle so that
others are touched and can empathize, you need to provide
images of what is boiling, festering, and paint a picture of your
turmoil, so that we can also feel it.

As a side-note, I want to welcome you to writing. I also wrote
at 15 years old. You're probably doing better than I was at
that age. Remember to grab some good books on the subject
if you haven't already. Let me know if you'd like any
recommendations. Feel free to PM any time.

[rowens]

I keep it hidden, boiling, festering,
Melting away my soul.
Finally, I succumb.
It's been going on forever, and it will
Never go away.

Everybody knows, but I still say it.

This isn't that bad. For a slight thing, it aint. Maybe you could find other ways of doing acrostics other than the first line, if it's a series. Make the acrostic harder to find as the poems grow deeper.
Being fifteen years old, you could get away with a starting poem at the beginning of a series, like that. But you need to dig deeper to go on.
There's not a lot to fool around with here; as it is, it's a beginning. But hopefully you can write others to make up for it.

---

I said first line. I meant, other than the first letter of each line.

[therabbitisme]

(This is my first poem posted here, and is the first in a series of acrostics that I may or may not continue. Any thoughts are welcome, as I'm only 15 and still working on writing).

I keep it hidden, boiling, festering Good word choice. I especially like festering; you may want to work that into the next line, perhaps "my rotting soul" or something. A period should period or comma at the end here would keep punctuation consistency.
Melting away my soul. This line is a bit shallow, in my opinion. While it has a clear cultural meaning, I feel that some imagery or a novel metaphor would fit better.
Finally, I succumb. The quick rhythm change works great. This line hits hard, albeit being a bit of a trivialization of the idea of giving up.
It's been going on forever, and it will
Never go away. This line break reads very differently from the rest of the poem. This is likely on purpose, but you should know it creates an odd break in flow. For me, it adds stress to "go away" that should be on "never". I don't mean to do your writing for you, but maybe "It's been going on forever,\ And it will never go away." Just a suggestion, these lines are very powerful as they are.

Everybody knows, but I still say it. As everyone's said, this could be a solid exit, but the usage of "it" really weakens it.

Overall, one of my favorite first poems I've read. You clearly have a good understanding of brevity and diction. With some more thought-out word choice, fleshed out imagery and clarity, you could definitely be an excellent poet. Good work.

[deadpoetsvariety]

(This is my first poem posted here, and is the first in a series of acrostics that I may or may not continue. Any thoughts are welcome, as I'm only 15 and still working on writing). 

I keep it hidden, boiling, festering I like the imagery here, makes it seem like you're embarrassed to reveal this ugly thing
Melting away my soul. I like the use of melting especially considering this boiling, festering thing but like therabbitisme  said I think you can be more pointed than "your soul" and you're not confined by rhyme at this point. What is it in you that you're specifically talking about when you reference your soul being melted away, off, or through? 
Finally, I succumb. I kind of think when you say you succumb here you are just giving up and saying "I'm fine." I could be reading it wrong but if you are I would use different wording because it sounds like you're giving up in general. If that is what you meant then point well received. 
It's been going on forever., and it will
Never will it go away. I also agree that the rhythm gets odd here, but I know you want to keep it as an acrostic so you can just move the words around like that. Unless that break in rhythm is important to you if you were to recite the poem. 

Everybody knows, but I'll still say it. I got what you meant by it. I just think personally if you leave the last line open with "say" it sort of forces the audience to infer and they hopefully would infer "I'm fine" based off the title and the fact that the acrostic is right in the front. Also, surprise rhymes are fun.

I really enjoyed your poem. I think it was clear that you are alluding to saying you're fine when you're not. I tried to read through the other critiques to agree or add on to what was already said. I hope you keep writing and improving it's something that I let slip away at your age.

[TemporaryForever]

I feel like there's a lot of raw clay here that needs form. You need to flesh out the emotions a little more but you've got some good building blocks. Maybe you should tinker with some juxtaposition a little more. Obviously your title is meant to convey the opposite of how you're really feeling so before you get to the real stuff, maybe try like:

My friends see me smile.
I laugh along with them.
The party is jumping.
Life is good.

Then transition into the darker stuff.

[danny_]

Hi SpaceDirt. I have updated my last critique post. I took a little more time reading it and changed my feedback. Hope it is more helpful now.

[Guy Farmer]

(This is my first poem posted here, and is the first in a series of acrostics that I may or may not continue. Any thoughts are welcome, as I'm only 15 and still working on writing).

I keep it hidden, boiling, festering
Melting away my soul.
Finally, I succumb.
It's been going on forever, and it will
Never go away.

Everybody knows, but I still say it.

I like the sense of containment and resignation, and what might come next. Good job. 

[JkArcher]

Hey dude, i quite liked you poem.
I am by no means a poet, nonetheless.
I feel like you could try and get your verses to flow together a little better, eg the part where you succumb i think you should give the previous line a little more depth good stuff though mate keep ot up