01-17-2018, 03:10 AM
I really liked the rhyming and the way the words flow at the end of most sentences. As others, I also think you would profit more of a different title 
one that emphasizes a little more the complexity of a frustrated love, perhaps one that emphasizes more the "scarred mind" that you describe at the end? Even though the first stanza is quite simple, I really loved it because it denotes the first state of infatuation, in my opinion "jealous ways" and "awestruck ways" describe exactly this state.
one that emphasizes a little more the complexity of a frustrated love, perhaps one that emphasizes more the "scarred mind" that you describe at the end? Even though the first stanza is quite simple, I really loved it because it denotes the first state of infatuation, in my opinion "jealous ways" and "awestruck ways" describe exactly this state.