01-03-2018, 12:38 PM
We start our life deluded
by the world we hear around us,
then prise our eyes to open to the sight of what is real.
At first no strength nor sinew lifts to higher skies above us and we fall and stumble onwards as we learn to touch and feel. -onward
Toes, then knees, then feet… then free, from arms beneath our own raised hands, which held and supported as we went our jerky way. (-strange order
This is the first delusion and it lasts until we[suddenly] realise,quite suddenly,that what we thought we had ‘til now was ours to keep and ours alone,of parts)
only to find our gift of life was not unique. Childhood ran beside us;[,] it kicked and bit and pulled our hair and screamed when we hit back.
Through this we learned that others, too, have feelings, mirroring alarmingly our own…in some it comes quite early on, in others after years. -alarmingly
With words gleaned from a dictionary drifting in our noisy space, we pick up, more or less, enough to share our dreams… [.] mirroring
and dreams are all we have until some other love befalls us, and only then does sharing become necessity.
Deluded once, now once [and] again, how proud we are, how big our car, how wonderful our country pad. -one too many once
Of course, it was not ever true that things were equal (or seemed so)…the weak will trip and stay behind,
some will not rise to touch the sky, some will fall before a day, while others take a slow, down[ward] path.
None care enough, not you or I…we who held fast to somesuch plan. Not a scheme we made ourselves, -is somesuch a word?
a given route from where we were to where we went; oh, no…delusionary gods,
advisors, mentors, coaches, teachers... [or]wiser men or [,]less wise preachers…
all conspired to divert us from our "destiny", a known unknown.
The last long breath that draws us stumbling
back in to a world now real,
leaves us stripped
of all delusion.
This is it,
at last,
I see.
Tectak(feeling fine)2017
Hi Tectak,
Your poem touches more on wisdom than delusion to me. The form seems a bit awkward for me personally. Could be just needs cleaning up. I like the critique vagabond left. This poem and its form offered a hint of palindrome. Seems with some sharpening you might achieve it. I just touched on a straight read through, not in regards to palindrome.
Hope it's warm where you are (it's reading 2° F outdoors where I am!)!
-nibbed
by the world we hear around us,
then prise our eyes to open to the sight of what is real.
At first no strength nor sinew lifts to higher skies above us and we fall and stumble onwards as we learn to touch and feel. -onward
Toes, then knees, then feet… then free, from arms beneath our own raised hands, which held and supported as we went our jerky way. (-strange order
This is the first delusion and it lasts until we[suddenly] realise,quite suddenly,that what we thought we had ‘til now was ours to keep and ours alone,of parts)
only to find our gift of life was not unique. Childhood ran beside us;[,] it kicked and bit and pulled our hair and screamed when we hit back.
Through this we learned that others, too, have feelings, mirroring alarmingly our own…in some it comes quite early on, in others after years. -alarmingly
With words gleaned from a dictionary drifting in our noisy space, we pick up, more or less, enough to share our dreams… [.] mirroring
and dreams are all we have until some other love befalls us, and only then does sharing become necessity.
Deluded once, now once [and] again, how proud we are, how big our car, how wonderful our country pad. -one too many once
Of course, it was not ever true that things were equal (or seemed so)…the weak will trip and stay behind,
some will not rise to touch the sky, some will fall before a day, while others take a slow, down[ward] path.
None care enough, not you or I…we who held fast to somesuch plan. Not a scheme we made ourselves, -is somesuch a word?
a given route from where we were to where we went; oh, no…delusionary gods,
advisors, mentors, coaches, teachers... [or]wiser men or [,]less wise preachers…
all conspired to divert us from our "destiny", a known unknown.
The last long breath that draws us stumbling
back in to a world now real,
leaves us stripped
of all delusion.
This is it,
at last,
I see.
Tectak(feeling fine)2017
Hi Tectak,
Your poem touches more on wisdom than delusion to me. The form seems a bit awkward for me personally. Could be just needs cleaning up. I like the critique vagabond left. This poem and its form offered a hint of palindrome. Seems with some sharpening you might achieve it. I just touched on a straight read through, not in regards to palindrome.
Hope it's warm where you are (it's reading 2° F outdoors where I am!)!
-nibbed
there's always a better reason to love