12-06-2017, 11:23 AM
scrounged out sins from decades ago (mmm neat scrounging) - I was actually stuck here
barely cause an old maid to flinch (flinch? i'd fink blush?) -what's fink, exactly?
she's spent, you see, shuffled in a deck,
through all the piling sand; (hmm piling? maybe shifting/silvered/slithering/shimmering?) -it's referring to time/an hourglass
now she just rubs on scars,
some old brands of trickery; (hmm brands? id fink patterns, chalk circles, pentagrams perhaps?) -no, metaphoric scars made from brands
her lips are practiced (practised? maybe accomplished? accustomed? adept? fluent?) -have often enough
in quietly spitting out (spitting is quiet? maybe ejecting/ejeculating/interjecting/directing?) -something's just aren't necessary in poetry, but it's
all ugly, bitter, venom ever sneaked in; (dunno ugly? maybe acrid/ acidic/bileous/fermented?) -ugly on you
she's often mistaken for a beautiful butterfly, (boooring beautiful...) -ok, so skip the beautiful
when she's just a dry leaf in the wind (dry is gut but maybe withered/ faded/ veined/opaque/fallen?) -dry is gut? please explain, aren't guts juicy?
whose gusts of freedom were given
when crosses of sorcery's power were revealed; (hmmm crosses of socery's power? maybe when sorcery's enchantments were cast/took effect/hold))
they took away her choices -no, when they became revelation ^^^^^
so dirt's been turned to stone (petrified perhaps? solidified? sedimentary?) -guilt is cancelled and made into something strong
as snouts are made tender stable and sturdy
over new rings. (hmmm rings? nooses? tethers? restraints? bonds? lassoos?) -no, rings usually decorate a snout, hence the title
neato bit of medusa turning snakes to statues, salty statues of recalcitrants lubbly cheers -interesting take
thank you for your bits
and taking the time to spew them
you remind me of a general
disguised as a corporal
tally-ho, old chum
nibbed
barely cause an old maid to flinch (flinch? i'd fink blush?) -what's fink, exactly?
she's spent, you see, shuffled in a deck,
through all the piling sand; (hmm piling? maybe shifting/silvered/slithering/shimmering?) -it's referring to time/an hourglass
now she just rubs on scars,
some old brands of trickery; (hmm brands? id fink patterns, chalk circles, pentagrams perhaps?) -no, metaphoric scars made from brands
her lips are practiced (practised? maybe accomplished? accustomed? adept? fluent?) -have often enough
in quietly spitting out (spitting is quiet? maybe ejecting/ejeculating/interjecting/directing?) -something's just aren't necessary in poetry, but it's
all ugly, bitter, venom ever sneaked in; (dunno ugly? maybe acrid/ acidic/bileous/fermented?) -ugly on you
she's often mistaken for a beautiful butterfly, (boooring beautiful...) -ok, so skip the beautiful
when she's just a dry leaf in the wind (dry is gut but maybe withered/ faded/ veined/opaque/fallen?) -dry is gut? please explain, aren't guts juicy?
whose gusts of freedom were given
when crosses of sorcery's power were revealed; (hmmm crosses of socery's power? maybe when sorcery's enchantments were cast/took effect/hold))
they took away her choices -no, when they became revelation ^^^^^
so dirt's been turned to stone (petrified perhaps? solidified? sedimentary?) -guilt is cancelled and made into something strong
as snouts are made tender stable and sturdy
over new rings. (hmmm rings? nooses? tethers? restraints? bonds? lassoos?) -no, rings usually decorate a snout, hence the title
neato bit of medusa turning snakes to statues, salty statues of recalcitrants lubbly cheers -interesting take
thank you for your bits
and taking the time to spew them
you remind me of a general
disguised as a corporal
tally-ho, old chum
nibbed
there's always a better reason to love