Angels Tossed Last Christmas

[nibbed]

Hi Nibbed
I like the emotion in the piece but I don't think it's as sharp (perhaps 'pointed') as it could be.
The opening two stanzas don't do very much, and, given N's pain having 'sometime' in the title doesn't really work.
It seems unlikely that N would forget exactly when these events happened.
So, with your permission, I'll start at S3.

I tossed away the cheap plastic crystal idols
This, I think, makes for a strong opening
Either 'plastic' or 'crystal', not both.
she gave me (shaped as angels)
hard into a snowbank
It feels like 'angels' are just included because of 'snowbank',does their shape really matter?
Also, 'idols' is a much more evocative term and 'angels' undercuts it.
on the side of the road,
as I raced a mile away
from her living.
Not too sure about 'a mile' (just doesn't seem far enough as a gesture', nor 'living'.
I think there's a conversational quality to the piece that you could pursue.
Just a suggestion.
I tossed them away,
those cheap plastic idols
she gave me. Threw them
hard into a snowbank
on the other side of the road
as I raced away from her.
- This way you might leave the reader to fill in the blanks of the 'betrayal'.

I wondered if in the thaw
I think this verse should be present tense looking forward.
her own tires
would bury them
all of a sudden it's 'them'. Though, to be honest, I can't tell if it's a problem or not.
It does increase the possibilities, which may be all to the good.
And of course you could always change 'her' to 'them' in L16
in thick mud,
Emotionally, I would imagine that N have a bit more to say about the 'mud'
the same way
she buried me.
Punchy, yet ambiguous ending, nice.

Best, Knot.

Hello Knot

Thank you for the critique on my poem. I was wondering if I should choose plastic or crystal, too.
Yes, there is much to be said about the mud, it could be more descriptive. The title needs to be
cleaned up for sure!

all the best to you

nibbed

---

Sometime Last Christmas


I zipped away 
on Bumpy Snow Road
forever leaving behind
someone who hurt my soul;

once love 
I had defended,
kept family secrets,
protected her
from fainting.

I tossed away
the cheap plastic crystal idols 
she gave me (shaped as angels)
hard into a snowbank
on the side of the road,
as I raced a mile away
from her living.

I wondered if in the thaw
her own tires
would bury them
in thick mud,

the same way
she buried me.

Something went askew. You zipped and raced away. You're never going back. This is pretty much prose with line breaks and might be better served that way.  Think about it.

Thank you 71 degrees
I really do better at prose
if it is a bit longer more descriptive of a piece.
I will certainly consider it after my first revision, though,
because it makes perfect sense.

Thank you kindly!

-nibbed