10-21-2017, 01:53 AM
Hi Todd,
enjoyed this, though I wouldn't claim to have followed all the biblical references.
Couple of thoughts.
'sank' for 'hushed' - gives you the paired vowel 'a' with 'damp'
(nicer sonics, to my ear anyway).
In S3 you've got some rhymes and a rhythm that stops just as it gets going.
Just a suggestion;
held the world
under water,
matching murder
[for murder]
drop-for-drop,
and no one was left
(I don't think this line should start with 'and')
to cry out.
Best, Knot
enjoyed this, though I wouldn't claim to have followed all the biblical references.
Couple of thoughts.
'sank' for 'hushed' - gives you the paired vowel 'a' with 'damp'
(nicer sonics, to my ear anyway).
In S3 you've got some rhymes and a rhythm that stops just as it gets going.
Just a suggestion;
held the world
under water,
matching murder
[for murder]
drop-for-drop,
and no one was left
(I don't think this line should start with 'and')
to cry out.
Best, Knot