Edit 1: She is not my grandmother

[alonso ramoran]

Hi rose, thoughts below

Roses: She is not my grandmother

Painted face, eyes closed, lying still. I like the start
The scent of roses fills the air, I feel like this is a cliche way of describing how the air smells of roses but at the risk of sounding too poetic, this should suffice. Maybe you could find a balance?
roses that lie heaped upon the coffin. I don't think roses needs to be repeated in this third line


Her lips dyed red
to match the roses. I'm not liking the repetition of roses. The previous line deserves a better comparison.
Powdered face froze,
waiting to smell the floral scent. How is she waiting to smell the floral scent? Isn't this scent already in the room? Also not too keen on the constant reference to the smell of roses.


Painted face, alien face, This line seems kinda redundant to me bc half of it is already mentioned in the first line. Maybe cut this and add "alien" in description of the painted face in the first line, like "painted alien face"
she is not my grandmother.
Lips flat, she is not smiling, This line seems kinda dull to me bc I don't feel for the reason the speaker would point out his/her grandma's neutral face expression bc there is no reason given. How was she like when she did smile?
she is not my grandmother. I can get the repetition here bc it really sounds like the speaker is in denial, one of those stages of grief.
Roses bloom, yet eyes stay closed. At this point, the repetition of roses seems overdone. I like how you point out that her eyes remain closed as if you're waiting for them to open, bringing back up that theme of denial, I just think you could do so with more umph in the imagery, maybe throw in a metaphor, etc.
The floral scent fills the room. Im not liking how you ended with a phrase you've repeated two other times with slight variations in the poem. And the phrase, to me, is bordering on cliche. Maybe you could have ended on the previous line while taking my advice on that line above.

My main issues with this poem is the redundant repetition of multiple phrases you've got going on, and the reliance you have on them for imagery and sensory details. After all this repetition, I'm lead to wonder: could you have made this a shorter, tighter piece?