First Edit: First Kiss

[Todd]

Hi Rose,

Here are some comments for you.

First Kiss--I've used this title myself and I'm gratified you strayed away from the expected.

I lay on him
Skin presses against skin--might be unnecessary given where you go in S2. I think this might be tighter to cut this line and highlight the self-revelation in the moment.
The stereotypical girl
That I never imagined to be--might not need That, also to be might be rephrased as "being" just some thoughts.


I wrap my arms around his smooth back
And love the feel of human contact--you kind of say very similar things on this line and the next. Consider possibly cutting "of human contact" from this line.
Of two interwoven bodies


Yet as I try to mimic his unconscious shudders
I know that I will be found out--This is the heart of your poem. When we are vulnerable with someone else ("nakedness") function more as a metaphor of can we trust ourselves to be truly open. Will the real me be discovered. That's also why the setup with mimic above is so good. It displays the struggle between putting on an expected face and intimacy.


Do you want to do it he asks
Pausing to raise himself up
I have condoms --Option for you, the dialogue isn't that great in my opinion (and could just be my bias here). Perhaps just have him present the condom and gave some sort of gesture and then have the speaker respond in some gesture or action to demonstrate the feelings. It's not that you can't use dialogue it just feels clunky to me here.


No I’m good I respond
and stretch out an arm
To try to draw him back down


Are you sure he repeats
Yes I am sure
With an agonized brow
and a slightly embarrassed smile
He asks
Would you
do it for me?--This dialogue I don't mind though perhaps condense this leadup and get to it quicker.


Another time I respond --rather have a gesture here.
And he finally lowers himself to kiss me--There is a good line break opportunity after himself (it layers a judgment of sorts into the moment with that break).
But his lips are thin and slimy--alternatively, you could replace But his with "with" 
And I pretend not to care--Solid ending

I hope that helps you in some way.

Best,

Todd