First Edit: On my 36th Birthday

[fuzzyllama1]

Hi Richard,

I am coming from the perspective of someone who has never really read poetry. I probably will not be able to give you objective critique, but perhaps my perspective will help you determine how your poem would be viewed by an outsider to poetry. I did read the spoiler, so I kind of have an idea what this poem is about, but I do not know specifics about their works or who they were.

On my 36th Birthday

I realized today
I'm six years too late to copy you. I don't like "I'm" here. After the line break above, it feels too jarring.
You, reborn through failed deaths, Your one-sided conversation with the deceased is quite beautiful. "Six years too late to copy you." is an amazing line and there are so many emotions running through it. Greif, depression, reminiscence, ideation, idolization just to name a few. I could re-read that one line for minutes on end and it would hit me differently each time. Exactly what I long for a poem to do.
while I like to think of dying
as that far away dog on a prairie plain.

I accept I'll never be like you,
there are no metaphors to describe
my uncut thumbs. I like the irony here (I think it's irony?). You say there are no metaphors for your uncut thumbs, yet they end up being metaphorical for your detachment with the deceased.

But I'll still try to understand you:
disillusioned with love, This line is confusing to me. Is the deceased disillusioned away from love or towards it?
burdened with family,
judged by tulips.
You, who transformed suicide
into a poetic device
by translating death's foreign language I like the suicide -> poetic device, but I'm having trouble fleshing out the simile of the prisoner. Exactly how does a prisoner at gunpoint translate the language of death? I think this could be better.
like a prisoner at gun point.

While I count the candles on my cake,
aware they must be extinguished,
you live the only way a dead poet can. I can't stop thinking of Dead Poet's Society, which I'm sure is a part of the reference in this line, but I think it takes away from the real theme of the poem.