09-21-2017, 07:54 AM
Hi Ray
This is quite haunting and atmospheric, I don't think I needed the picture, you words were enough to convey the image. I really like the title setting up the whole piece, I struggled to interpret, left like smiles like our eyes when it's dark, the left like smiles line closes off the previous lines so I wasn't expecting another simaly so quickly so it confused the image I had. The penultimate stanza is my favourite, I know it's sad but it's set in those cold quiet moment when we're at our most vulnerable. I also like how you use the repeat in the close and how it lets the reader decide happy or sad ending. Very much enjoyed the read Keith
This is quite haunting and atmospheric, I don't think I needed the picture, you words were enough to convey the image. I really like the title setting up the whole piece, I struggled to interpret, left like smiles like our eyes when it's dark, the left like smiles line closes off the previous lines so I wasn't expecting another simaly so quickly so it confused the image I had. The penultimate stanza is my favourite, I know it's sad but it's set in those cold quiet moment when we're at our most vulnerable. I also like how you use the repeat in the close and how it lets the reader decide happy or sad ending. Very much enjoyed the read Keith
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out