When My Son Asks About My Worst Experience (Revision 2)

[Thunderembargo]

Brings to mind the WTC attacks, but could also be the Kobe earthquake or any big disaster of that sort. Metropolis is, after all, not necessarily New York.
I like that it's open ended.

Revision

I imagine that God is shaking
a Magic 8-Ball and my tongue is shifting
between: Ask again later, and Better not 
tell you now.
Instead of a lie detector, 
I’m hooked to a seismograph.

The needle begins to move

so quickly that the building collapses
like a sand castle, next a city block,
and then Superman forgets to unwind time.
Lex Luthor’s plan finally succeeds. The whole state .....removing the 'finally' and ending on 'slides' in this line sounds better in my ear.
slides into the ocean. I want to tell
him that I can’t remember 
any of their faces, and names have smoothed 
like river stones too long submerged. Perhaps ....this is a brilliant simile
instead of an earthquake,

the needle is drawing a picture

of what might happen, 
or what’s already happened. 
I want to tell him the truth. No,
I don’t want to ask him any questions. I think
I’m only lying to myself.

If I even whisper,
the sky would shatter like glass. ...excellent

Original

I imagine that God is shaking
a Magic 8-Ball and my tongue is shifting
between: Ask again later, and Better not 
tell you now.
Instead of a lie detector, 
I’m hooked to a seismograph.
The needle begins to move
so quickly that the building collapses
like a sand castle, next a city block,
and then Superman forgets to unwind time.
Lex Luthor’s plan finally succeeds. The whole state
slides into the ocean. I want to tell
him that there are days I don’t want to die, 
that I can’t remember any of their faces, 
and names have smoothed like river stones
too long submerged. Perhaps
the needle is drawing a picture
of what might happen, 
or what’s already happened. If I even whisper,
the sky would shatter like glass.
 
I want to tell him the truth. No,
I don’t want to ask him any questions. I think
I’m only lying to myself.

Incredibly abstract and surreal.   I have no idea what this poem is referring to.   Some unconscious dream.   Some fixation on materials.   The abstraction of space by the dream machine.   Many thanks for the vivid and concise rendering of this bold experience.   Here are a few comments.


[pre verse]Original

I imagine that God is shaking                                        this is a fascinating image, what could it be compared to, this deity of your conception, Ockham's razor comes to mind, his various descriptions of the arguments for belief in God

a Magic 8-Ball and my tongue is shifting                         a very valid conjunction between substantives and reflection
between: Ask again later, and Better not 
tell you now.
Instead of a lie detector,                                                
I’m hooked to a seismograph.                                       
The needle begins to move                                               could not the seismograph have been placed in the air for a radar measurement
so quickly that the building collapses
like a sand castle, next a city block,                                  this is a wonderful illustration of the passage of time, its gentle mockery of the architecture of thought
and then Superman forgets to unwind time.
Lex Luthor’s plan finally succeeds. The whole state             speaking of illustration...........i always luv   references to comic book heros
 
slides into the ocean. I want to tell
him that there are days I don’t want to die,                       the power of the ocean draws us towards mortality, I see what you are saying
that I can’t remember any of their faces,                           this reminds me of a scene from tolkien, when Sam and Frodo are looking into the river, and then gollum begins peering luridly over them, looking into the same river with a ridiculous expression of knowing simplicity
and names have smoothed like river stones
too long submerged. Perhaps
the needle is drawing a picture
of what might happen,                                                     this is provocative and intriguing
or what’s already happened. If I even whisper,
the sky would shatter like glass.
 
I want to tell him the truth. No,
I don’t want to ask him any questions. I think
I’m only lying to myself.                                                     a humbling moral reality that you have reached, the morale towards which the poem persistently drives