Fairy Tale Logic (Revision 2)

[Wjames]

Revision

Princesses must learn that nothing lasts.
Pumpkins are only for one-way transit. 
Beauty is goodness until even looks curdle I think the "like spoiled milk" simile is a little redundant, I get that just from "curdle", which is a wonderful word. 
like spoiled milk. If you have a stepmother,
she will spend more time looking at you
than her reflection. The mirror
will be too vain to admit its nearsightedness.
It reflects a keen nose though, and your stepmother
will wrinkle hers as she detects a hidden fault line.
If you have been blessed with the transient
glamour of a snowflake,
you must never spin your clothes. Sewing is labor I love the two sewing sentences.
for mice. Instead be home by midnight, 
lest this pretend dress and even the shoes
that touch your feet turn to ash rags.
Don't eat an offered apple.
If you do, you still might be kissed.
Expect happiness, but never ever after.

Original

The moon glides with dark design for love lies
beneath a pale gown. Her glow reveals
the howl and bristle of men,
and the bedchamber after midnight
with its cold stone and barefoot steps
that crunch across gold turned to straw.
Though, the swan remains forever
pierced, and the apple always poison
to settle on your lips like a blood-red smear

waiting for a kiss.

I like the edit much more than the original. There are a lot of good chuckles in it, very nice.