07-07-2017, 09:10 PM
I am quite new here, so I apologize if my comments are a bit vague, but I will try and be as helpful as possible.
I find your descriptions very vivid, maybe because you describe every object in your poem with adjectives, such as 'sly time', 'cynical gift', etc. So thats really great!
suggestions and criticisms:
I wish you had given your poem a nice name.
In the line 'A man forever lost, origin without name', the part after the comma doesn't seem to fit quite right. Maybe 'A man forever lost, of nameless origin'?
Are the last two lines spoken by the mighty oak? If so, then maybe you could use quotation marks to indicate this.
I find your descriptions very vivid, maybe because you describe every object in your poem with adjectives, such as 'sly time', 'cynical gift', etc. So thats really great!
suggestions and criticisms:
I wish you had given your poem a nice name.
In the line 'A man forever lost, origin without name', the part after the comma doesn't seem to fit quite right. Maybe 'A man forever lost, of nameless origin'?
Are the last two lines spoken by the mighty oak? If so, then maybe you could use quotation marks to indicate this.