construction (4th edit)

[vagabond]

Hi vagabond - I've noted a few comments on the lines - as to the title, you describe demolition, not construction. Lots of rhymes, internal and end line, but they feel overdone to me, and the sense is ignored, to accommodate them.




construction
 
just the faintest vibration in my frontal lobe
indicates the sledge-hammer again is at work. Word inversion stands out
but the noise reaches neither my ears nor my mouth, How can noise reach a mouth? 
nor is there pain, cause the brain is a marvel because, or 'cause, or 'cos - cause has a different meaning 
containing itself.
the hammer crushes something to pieces anew, 'anew'? It's crushed the same something to pieces previously? Stretching for a rhyme.   no, not the same something, did I say that?..   
they´re planning more skyskrapers blocking the view.
heaven´s anyway gray, like over pompeji, 'anyway' doesn't make sense to me heaven´s gray anyway, so it doesn´t matter if the view is blocked in the line above.
- should be Pompeii 
clouds of ashes and dust and a thick neural crust
over brittle affections, illegal connections. this line doesn't make sense to me  I was talking about neurons, repressing things, far too nebulous what I wrote here, I see now.
like cold lava creeping the concrete obstructs  'like's too close together - 'obstruct' is a verb ... and i used it as such, concrete is the noun in this sentence, but I see now how the whole line is confusing, and will change that
all the secret game trails and dusty tear ducts. unlikely there's any game trails, if a building is being demolished - tears feels a bit overblown for the subject of the poem
well, the trail could be next to the building, it´s only unlikely that there are animals on it. but you´re right, that game trail has no place in my poem.

thank you for your comment!
..  me and the rhymes, yes. I actually started this in free verse and it was my goal to keep it this way.
then some rhymes appeared and I kind of find it difficult to mix lines that were without rhyme with others, so often I end up trying to rhyme and also adapt rhythm and so on..  i ll go back again and try the whole thing without rhymes. maybe it should be shorter as well, and the tear ducts will probably go..