Edit 1: Psychotherapy

[ellajam]

A few ideas to consider:

I'm not sure if i've done a right job on the adhering the meter, but here is the first edit:


Dear Patient, Welcome to the asylum of your mind.
Let’s get rid of the boundaries to which you’re confined.
Let’s sit down and discuss your medical record. Maybe a colon here before the list.
Schizophrenic disorders, Anxiety and hemorrhages, You might exchange "and" for a comma and end on a semicolon.
all documented in one-hundred-and-forty-nine pages. You could exchange "in" for a comma and go a hundred and fortynine pages, that just sounds better to me.
There are treatments we haven’t explored. This line is short and if intentional I would think the line length would be repeated in S2.

Do you feel like you’re in constant company?
People did tell me about your constant soliloquy. "Did" is awkward.
Do you feel someone around you, spectating? I say SOMEone and it makes a bump.
The voices: are they advising, are they debating? Possibly another act instead of the second "are they".
Is it more like a monologue or is it a dialogue?
To who is it that you do constantly talk? "Do" is a little awkward.

Son, Why won’t you leave the dead behind?
Within the asylum of your mind?

I'm no grammar or meter expert and shift things around frequently in my own work until I'm satisfied so don't take my notes as right/wrong, just some thoughts. I hope they help, or outrage another member so much that they step in, or at least confuse you enough to figure it out on your own.