06-09-2017, 08:21 AM
Hi there! I'm a novice at poetry, but i'll do my utmost at sharing my two cents and how I would tackle your Poem (which i hope you don't mind)
In your original post, you used the following "Mirror made meaningless". You changed Meaningless into Useless.
Personally, i would say that meaningless is the word that would fit most in that context. The room is dark, thus somewhat mysterious and obscure (That's what i usually connect darkness with), from that perspective, meaningless lies closer to a mysterious atmosphere than 'useless'. Plus, it congruences alot more with the word 'Consciousness'. I can understand your choice for useless, however.
I'm not sure if it was your intention, but the Poem has a melancholical ring to it, which almost borders to depression. On that note, the mirror is a reflection of oneself. Having a meaningless reflection is a sign of a low self-esteem, which caters greatly to the feeling of 'depression'.
On the second part i would add an adjective to light, personally i'd go for flickering.
Why flickering light? Many people associate Light with Hope. Since you say that you are desperate to find that hope, maybe reflect that in a fitting adjective to the word light.
Compared to the original, the edited version has alot more substance and is alot better!
I certainly like it!
In your original post, you used the following "Mirror made meaningless". You changed Meaningless into Useless.
Personally, i would say that meaningless is the word that would fit most in that context. The room is dark, thus somewhat mysterious and obscure (That's what i usually connect darkness with), from that perspective, meaningless lies closer to a mysterious atmosphere than 'useless'. Plus, it congruences alot more with the word 'Consciousness'. I can understand your choice for useless, however.
I'm not sure if it was your intention, but the Poem has a melancholical ring to it, which almost borders to depression. On that note, the mirror is a reflection of oneself. Having a meaningless reflection is a sign of a low self-esteem, which caters greatly to the feeling of 'depression'.
On the second part i would add an adjective to light, personally i'd go for flickering.
Why flickering light? Many people associate Light with Hope. Since you say that you are desperate to find that hope, maybe reflect that in a fitting adjective to the word light.
Compared to the original, the edited version has alot more substance and is alot better!
I certainly like it!