Mirth?

[nibbed]

Mirth?


Not at the court
or on the field,

forget the merger,
any and all
great appointments,

just remember
those days
when we surrendered:

He made our peculiar
into great artists,

the finest
composers, musicians,
painters, teachers,
eloquent orators,

all for Him,
all for His use.

We skipped about,
laughed,
happily sparked our lamps
atop the tallest hills;

shining ever so brightly
happy, alive,
in love...
those were our glory years:

when the Joy of the Lord
was our strength.


Psalm 137
1 By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, yea, we wept, when we remembered Zion.
2 We hanged our harps upon the willows in the midst thereof.
3 For there they that carried us away captive required of us a song; and they that wasted us
required of us mirth, saying, Sing us one of the songs of Zion.
4 How shall we sing the Lord's song in a strange land?

[dukealien]

Stream of consciousness on first reading, more or less, interleaved with comments on the whole after...

Mirth? No idea yet from the title, have to wait to the end...


Not at the court
or on the field,  this couplet suggests sports competition ("in the field" would suggest farming or war)

forget the merger,
any and all this seems a bit cliche... perhaps "bygone conflicts," perhaps?
great appointments,  at first reading, a modern business vibe (afterward a sinister shade to "merger" as in hostile takeover by Babylon and appointment of Hebrews to high office in their captivity)

just remember
those days  feeling the need for an adjective here - "those mournful days?"
when we surrendered: here's the darkening shade for "merger" - "surrender" suggests Islam

He made our peculiar a subtle trick here:  readers won't notice the capitalization here due to white space.  Nice!
into great artists, at this point, not yet feeling a Biblical vibe, thinking a Great Dictator - praise of Hitler, perhaps

the finest
composers, musicians,
painters, teachers,
eloquent orators, nice line, but not Hitler any more (tolerated only one Orator, him)

all for Him, ah, religion (from the capitalization) - or a really extreme dictatorship
all for His use.

We skipped about,
laughed,
happily sparked our lamps  very nice necessary roughness here for sparking and skipping ("gladly" would be too smooth)
atop the tallest hills;

shining ever so brightly
happy, alive,
in love...
those were our glory years: "glory years" a slight cliche, but tolerable

when the Joy of the Lord  "[J]oy may earn capitalization by being an Attribute, but may be a step too far toward KJVism
was our strength.


Psalm 137
1 By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, yea, we wept, when we remembered Zion.
2 We hanged our harps upon the willows in the midst thereof.
3 For there they that carried us away captive required of us a song; and they that wasted us
required of us mirth, saying, Sing us one of the songs of Zion.
4 How shall we sing the Lord's song in a strange land? And this is that song.  Instead, in exile, perhaps "The Hope."

Don't know about other readers, but this poem put me through some changes - especially that short detour toward Islam and the one through Nazi encouragement of art and (approved) letters.  This is not to say it should be edited to make it clearer:  the journey was its own reward.

Status of the scripture quotation is problematic.  Tempted to recommend placing it as a preface, but then the lovely ambiguity is lost.  Perhaps in italics?

That first "Him" (sic) could almost be delayed by adding a verse or two immediately before it.  Some readers might draw from this that God (JVH) was like a dictator encouraging things, even if voluntarily assumed ("surrender") - but, really, it shows that even the most apparently benevolent dictators have God-complex aspirations.

Nice, rewarding read.  Hope the above are of help.

[Achebe]

There are issues with the core thesis of the poem (people were happy in the Middle Ages or thereabouts when they did everything for the Christian god), but the biggest problem is that the poem is, to use a well worn cliche (itself a well worn cliche), all tell and no show. The poem needs a few original turns of phrase, an image or two, some nice sonics....i.e. poetic devices.

A religious poem can't solely consist of the poet telling the reader how much she loves god. It's all good and fine to love Krishna, but what's in it for the reader?

Mirth?


Not at the court
or on the field, .....these images are a bit overused. 'Field' is almost a cliche.

forget the merger,
any and all
great appointments,  ...can drop the 'great'

just remember
those days
when we surrendered: ... 

He made our peculiar
into great artists, ... sounds like a fifth grade morality class. Name an artist who was peculiar but your god made 'great'. Put something specific in there or else it's just bland

the finest
composers, musicians,
painters, teachers,
eloquent orators,

all for Him,
all for His use. ...I don't recall Cicero, Li Po, Hokusai, Tansen, Ibn Sina doing anything for the Christian god. So the 'finest' is culturally biased and hyperbolic. And there's another problem here - much of Renaissance art was actually commissioned by a moneyed Church. Michelangelo was painting for money, not god. 


We skipped about,
laughed,
happily sparked our lamps
atop the tallest hills; ....when was all this happening? between the Black Death and the St Bartholomew's Day's Massacre? Generic and uninteresting lines.

shining ever so brightly
happy, alive,
in love...
those were our glory years: ... all tell, no show

when the Joy of the Lord
was our strength.


Psalm 137
1 By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, yea, we wept, when we remembered Zion.
2 We hanged our harps upon the willows in the midst thereof.
3 For there they that carried us away captive required of us a song; and they that wasted us
required of us mirth, saying, Sing us one of the songs of Zion.
4 How shall we sing the Lord's song in a strange land?