05-31-2017, 02:32 PM
Hi Jack - I like what you did to Virginia's lighthouse.
I'm with you in all the first seven lines, they're strong, punchy. The six that follow aren't quite up to the same standard, but I'm not sure if it's the 'mangle' line or some other.
Maybe its partly the change from the intimacy of ' ...given you a voice...' to the step back, into '... his voice ...'.
A fog horn, which is what I expect, doesn't sound like a 'screech'. Well, maybe a baritone screech.
I'm with you in all the first seven lines, they're strong, punchy. The six that follow aren't quite up to the same standard, but I'm not sure if it's the 'mangle' line or some other.
Maybe its partly the change from the intimacy of ' ...given you a voice...' to the step back, into '... his voice ...'.
A fog horn, which is what I expect, doesn't sound like a 'screech'. Well, maybe a baritone screech.