05-29-2017, 04:35 PM
Hey,
Feels like an angst-y lyric. A line by line below:
we're busy now. we smoke, we play around Is the 'now' really needed?
we stay up to hear the rain turn sour. yeah... 'Hear the rain turn sour' feels like muffdiving, for some reason. The rain has had a sexual undertone since ages
we play, we front, you call me fake
but where's the real me? not here/not for you. 'But' feels superfluous. 'Not for you' could be in a new line
so just take what you get and play,
people move out fast 'round here. Slightly self-indulgent. If not invested, why write about it?
we're busy being heroes,
we're busy finding friends to sleep with,
we were busy then When? Where did this come from?
and we're damn busy now.
we live off gasoline, loose change,
glassy-eyed dreams, and sometimes crack. don't cry, 'We live off... crack' seems unreal. Can't see it.
you're gonna need the salt for your wounds. Very confused here. Don't express pain, save it for a worse day/hurt yourself instead?!
we still wait for 11:11 and our mothers,
but we've got the best of dreams and brightest of smiles A facade-y feel here, the preceding line makes this sentiment seem hollow
to carry us through what's left of today.
you walk on our backs but won't look down,
said us. beauty is wasted on the young, said not-us Confused by this and the preceding line. Don't get it.
but we are the young so we might as well have said it.
yeah- the streets'll cradle us and our parents'll beat us So much teen feel right here
and our blood'll turn to acid, a grade-a cut of vinegar, 'grade-a cut of vinegar' makes me laugh. I don't think it's supposed to
but watch us, we'll find our own beauty
in the destruction of our lives. This is a teen sentiment here
words burn easy. you think i can talk
my way out of my life? when i say i'm busy This seems a little delusional, honestly
i'm busy protecting you from the wrath
of our pain and our tears and our lives. cutting your losses? An explanation for actions?
i could put you in this show, you'd need a costume self-indulgent
but we've got plenty lying around. The 'but' isn't needed
tickets to the fucked-up lives show are expensive
so i'll treat you, come on in, just for you This is in opposition to the sentiment expressed two lines ago
if you think we're heroes,
don't fuck with us our history?
don't forget us,
and don't bully me. A good end, for me. Vulnerability is good
Are you the narrator? If yes, this is a fish-eye's view - my grandpa once explained it as being able to see the edges of the truth. There are lines here which are like bandages to keep it all in. Maybe revise it.
Very raw, could be really sharp with revision.
Feels like an angst-y lyric. A line by line below:
we're busy now. we smoke, we play around Is the 'now' really needed?
we stay up to hear the rain turn sour. yeah... 'Hear the rain turn sour' feels like muffdiving, for some reason. The rain has had a sexual undertone since ages
we play, we front, you call me fake
but where's the real me? not here/not for you. 'But' feels superfluous. 'Not for you' could be in a new line
so just take what you get and play,
people move out fast 'round here. Slightly self-indulgent. If not invested, why write about it?
we're busy being heroes,
we're busy finding friends to sleep with,
we were busy then When? Where did this come from?
and we're damn busy now.
we live off gasoline, loose change,
glassy-eyed dreams, and sometimes crack. don't cry, 'We live off... crack' seems unreal. Can't see it.
you're gonna need the salt for your wounds. Very confused here. Don't express pain, save it for a worse day/hurt yourself instead?!
we still wait for 11:11 and our mothers,
but we've got the best of dreams and brightest of smiles A facade-y feel here, the preceding line makes this sentiment seem hollow
to carry us through what's left of today.
you walk on our backs but won't look down,
said us. beauty is wasted on the young, said not-us Confused by this and the preceding line. Don't get it.
but we are the young so we might as well have said it.
yeah- the streets'll cradle us and our parents'll beat us So much teen feel right here
and our blood'll turn to acid, a grade-a cut of vinegar, 'grade-a cut of vinegar' makes me laugh. I don't think it's supposed to
but watch us, we'll find our own beauty
in the destruction of our lives. This is a teen sentiment here
words burn easy. you think i can talk
my way out of my life? when i say i'm busy This seems a little delusional, honestly
i'm busy protecting you from the wrath
of our pain and our tears and our lives. cutting your losses? An explanation for actions?
i could put you in this show, you'd need a costume self-indulgent
but we've got plenty lying around. The 'but' isn't needed
tickets to the fucked-up lives show are expensive
so i'll treat you, come on in, just for you This is in opposition to the sentiment expressed two lines ago
if you think we're heroes,
don't fuck with us our history?
don't forget us,
and don't bully me. A good end, for me. Vulnerability is good
Are you the narrator? If yes, this is a fish-eye's view - my grandpa once explained it as being able to see the edges of the truth. There are lines here which are like bandages to keep it all in. Maybe revise it.
Very raw, could be really sharp with revision.
The Chronicles of Lethargia