05-28-2017, 01:49 AM
I don't think I can tell you if you're any good.
There's also the rhyming. Rhymes are cool, but I wouldn't overly contort a lot of things just to have rhymes. The rhymes don't really add more than a good description can.
I can't really think of a good descriptive poem, but good descriptions are a hallmark of good writtens (spelled wrong on purpose) to me.
This is a Whitman poem about compost, better known as hippy poop and trash piles.
Behold this compost! behold it well!
Perhaps every mite has once form'd part of a sick person--Yet behold!
The grass of spring covers the prairies,
The bean bursts noislessly through the mould in the garden, 20
The delicate spear of the onion pierces upward,
The apple-buds cluster together on the apple-branches,
The resurrection of the wheat appears with pale visage out of its
graves,
See, he's talking about crap you can visualize and whatnot, which to me is hard to do and can be time consuming.
Good luck with your writtens.
(05-27-2017, 04:59 PM)eharrison Wrote: Hey I just mess around with poetry and I've always wondered if it was any good at all so just let me know if this is even passable! Also i don't even know what the form is so don't worry about that.I had a hard time following, and there were a lot of big abstraction-like things or wordy things, like belief born of sight, greatest of plights, veil of grandeur, mighty oak (why is it mighty, and what is the wraith?). That's just an opinion. I did, however, like some of the ideas. Maybe write out what you're trying to say in prose and then poemify it in a clearer way?
--I think you should consider a title.
Belief born of sight at the junction of faith
A man forever lost, origin without name
The greatest of plights, myself and my wraith
to search and find the inception of flame -- Too many "of"
the colored crescent a mirage of the skyline
a cynical gift camouflaged behind sly time
the treasure was promised indeed, in troves
Alas, all he has found are the emperor's clothes -- I like these emperors clothes. Guy got jipped.
lord falls low, jewel to thorn
Thin veil of grandeur forever torn
mighty oak calls the humble leaf kin
See the tired traveler who could never be sin
Crucify his god and deliver him to Eden
There's also the rhyming. Rhymes are cool, but I wouldn't overly contort a lot of things just to have rhymes. The rhymes don't really add more than a good description can.
I can't really think of a good descriptive poem, but good descriptions are a hallmark of good writtens (spelled wrong on purpose) to me.
This is a Whitman poem about compost, better known as hippy poop and trash piles.
Behold this compost! behold it well!
Perhaps every mite has once form'd part of a sick person--Yet behold!
The grass of spring covers the prairies,
The bean bursts noislessly through the mould in the garden, 20
The delicate spear of the onion pierces upward,
The apple-buds cluster together on the apple-branches,
The resurrection of the wheat appears with pale visage out of its
graves,
See, he's talking about crap you can visualize and whatnot, which to me is hard to do and can be time consuming.
Good luck with your writtens.