Succession (Edit 1)

[ellajam]

Hi, welcome to the Pen. I usually like to give a poem more time before posting but I read billy's comment and your response that you're already editing so I'll give it a try.. I have not read the spoiler, it's hard to resist but usually best to let the poem speak for itself, IMO.

When I carried you I felt like a mountain; My first image was one of becoming the mountain while carrying someone, but L2 clarified beautifully. I like this as an opener.
immovable skin on my belly, hot Now I've got a woman in late stage pregnacy who feels huge, stretched tight and rock hard. I'm not sure you gain by hot vs heat or some other word.
radiating out from a center
mangled star, proving daily I love the mangled star, I'm not sure you need Proving...changed, it's sort of tell-y, maybe another way to say it.
my body and perception
were changed.

 
I studied the violence to steel
for each tremor’s eruption, These lines are strong and lead in well to the uselessness of preparation sometimes.
but it was a lazy birth, and rebirth,
primary succession by countless ordinary cuts. So I read this as C-Section but said in a confusing way, I don't get countless so maybe my whole reading is off, but it's what I've got.
Then there you were: yawning screaming
Holy flesh laid in my arms for
a lifetime of tender reflection. Lovely.
 
Now child, that lifetime has days; Still unsure about "lifetime has days", why wouldn't it?
I watch your first rumbling steps
pondering lessons I learned
and never did. My soft center shakes I haven't come to terms with these lines yet, rumbling seems wrong, learned but never did seems wrong, maybe I need more time. I love "my soft center shakes", it shows the transition well and is fun to say and think about.
and turns to mountain’s ash; before mountain's ash makes me think of the tree, but then no "'s", so I'm not sure what to think of ash, its emptiness is nice but mountain are rock, they don't turn to ash, that I know of. I don't get the break on before.
your round eyes, how could I imagine I like the round eyes, I get youth.
myself a mountain? You sing of,
and belong to, lush villages
populated with long futures,
and an indelible ingestible past. Love this line.
I stand to shape the ash,
clod on, lovingly
planting seeds. meh ending for me.

Primary succession is a scientific term about the re-emergence of plant life after it is wiped out (from something like a volcanic eruption, for example). Wiki for the curious https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primary_succession. Mods, please feel free to move the post if it's not the best idea to jump right into workshopping for my first post... I think I understand the difference in forums, and I am interested in detailed feedback and look at it as an opportunity to learn. That said, I am learning, and if moving it is a kindness, I will take it as such! Thanks all for the read, interested in your thoughts  

So that's what I have so far, hope it helps.