05-10-2017, 06:42 AM
Thank you for the critique, Lizzie.
My big takeaways from it:
I like the idea of cutting the from the first line though I may alter it a bit to "Blood became a whisper" to emphasize the b sounds in the first two lines.
I need to readdress the punctuation and sentence structure a bit. I'll get to that on revision.
I'll consider the strophe break. It's such a short piece I want to be careful to put in too many flourishes.
Again, I appreciate the time you spent with it.
Best,
Todd
My big takeaways from it:
I like the idea of cutting the from the first line though I may alter it a bit to "Blood became a whisper" to emphasize the b sounds in the first two lines.
I need to readdress the punctuation and sentence structure a bit. I'll get to that on revision.
I'll consider the strophe break. It's such a short piece I want to be careful to put in too many flourishes.
Again, I appreciate the time you spent with it.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson