05-06-2017, 12:15 PM
Hi burrealist
I hope you are not discouraged. Please don't think you suck at poetry. Sometimes our flow is blocked. Sometimes being a thorough critic can help.
If you are not satisfied with the poem, why not take three lines and begin again? You have several things going for you. I know I will probably get in trouble, but may I play with your words? Maybe even a poem about a discouraged poet can be found in them. I am not trying to rewrite your poem, just pointing out the wonderful words you have written.
Ascend crooked steps
to broken walls:
Smudge a faint sky
(memory is shaded
beneath grey tiles)
draw a ladder
with a tree,
throw my body
to the ground,
Paper White.
I hope you find comfort and peace today and are inspired not to give up.
janine
I hope you are not discouraged. Please don't think you suck at poetry. Sometimes our flow is blocked. Sometimes being a thorough critic can help.
If you are not satisfied with the poem, why not take three lines and begin again? You have several things going for you. I know I will probably get in trouble, but may I play with your words? Maybe even a poem about a discouraged poet can be found in them. I am not trying to rewrite your poem, just pointing out the wonderful words you have written.
Ascend crooked steps
to broken walls:
Smudge a faint sky
(memory is shaded
beneath grey tiles)
draw a ladder
with a tree,
throw my body
to the ground,
Paper White.
I hope you find comfort and peace today and are inspired not to give up.
janine
there's always a better reason to love