04-24-2017, 12:59 AM
Wow, I really think this poem is pretty powerful! I especially love the hints of longing that nearly every line carries. I'm a real big fan of abstraction and I can totally relate to using it as a sort of protective layer of a certain anonymity. However, I feel like some of your abstraction might work better if it were used in tandem with a reflective line or two that sets up the abstraction and its meaning, or even a line or two afterwards that sort of indirectly explains it for the reader. Almost like in elementary school where you would be shown a new, unfamiliar word and then given an example of its use in a sentence so that you could use context clues in order to figure out the word's meaning. If that makes any sense haha. I definitely really like this poem, very imaginative! Thank you for sharing!