Man of My Dreams

[18sawe]

Hi 89layers,

It's an interesting poem, with fresh approach to the well used subject of heartbreak. I've included some of my thoughts as annotations;

I dreamed of you last night.
We spoke for a long while. The phrase 'a long while' seems a little awkward, it just doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem.
I felt your soft, sweet touch again. Nice emotive/sensual language.
 
I caught your gentle smile. 
We walked along the darkness,
passing by familiar shadows. This is great juxtaposition of the 'gentle' , 'sweet' and 'soft' representing lightness/happiness and 'darkness' and 'shadows.' Also the phrase 'familiar shadows' tends to imply that the shadows are troubles that plague the protagonist - great metaphor. 
Nothing seemed to show itself. 
Everything was clear. Amazing imagery.
 
I came into consciousness;
I knew you could not follow.
But there, again, I found you, There seems to be too many commas in this line, it breaks up the rhythm and seems like unintentional caesura. Perhaps remove the second comma.
like all the times before.
 
If it’s just a memory, 
I beg it “go away!”
But something stirs inside of me,
like it is something more.
 
If it were dead I’d bury it.
The issue would be done.
But like a seed I’ve planted, 
it’s sprouted in the sun
 
The gangly roots upon my heart, 
I want to tear it out!  Really nice language and metaphors!
So, I close my eyes to sleep 
knowing the dream will reoccur.
 
This time, I think, if we should meet
I’ll say my piece 
A sweet goodbye
So that the love may gently die.

I think the poem is a very well written poem, with great use of imagery, and metaphors and is very thought provoking. I don't think the poem needs much work at all! I hope I was useful to some degree!

Thanks,
Erica