Engaged

[LunaDeLore]

I just want to be able to say
I let this world seize me
And that I reached out and ----- "that" is restrictive and it turns the reader off
Seized it too.
Not the day,
Not the moment,
I just want to be able to say
That whatever the timeline,------ the restrictive steps in again, taking away from the read.
No matter the outcomes:
Me and this world
Had our sweaty hands all over each other.

Hi Elizazile,

I read your poem and especially like the ending. I must say your work took me by surprise as I expected some daunting little ditty about
husband and wife and proposal and ring. Smile. This little piece is almost enjoyable to read. I say this because I'm not very fond of your use of "that" in the poem. It takes something away from the work and almost feels juvenile when reading. But overall, I think it's a good little poem and with some revision could be even better.

Thanks for posting and keep writing.

Luna