Untitled (4th revision)

[Leanne]

Hi B -- I've had a quick look at your notes and decided to ignore them because I really don't take direction well So, here's what you get:

I outline a house beneath some tile -- I really want this to be "tiles". And not just "some" either -- a more descriptive adjective would be better. "Some" is a filler and it's pretty obvious it's there to hold your meter.
Tree is dry, grass is scarce -- the placement of this line makes it sound as though the tree and the grass are inside the outline of the house beneath the tile(s), so that needs some attention
Etch the tree with rustic names -- are the names rustic, or the writing itself? What would rustic names be? Alfred loves Irmagard?
Shadow-shade background hills
Maybe this is suicide. I decide on the roof -- sounds like the decision is being made on the roof, rather than the sketch -- ambiguous grammar is sometimes quite handy, but not in this case. Could be fixed with "that". That would probably bugger your self-imposed meter though -- although I'm pretty decent with meter and I'm not feeling it.
I'll engrave a vile sketch of a dead relative
In the dirt I'll carve an X with an axe this is quite an evocative line, I like it
Hack the tree -- just hack into it, or hack it down?
Draw a ladder
To the crusts of an ugly stone wall
Throw my body to the ground
Leave the house paper-white -- strong ending

You're letting yourself down by leaving out articles and prepositions, presumably to follow your meter. This is something of a cardinal sin, I'm afraid. Meter should never drive a poem -- you're the poet, you drive. And while poetry doesn't have to follow the same grammatical conventions as prose, there are still some rules that make it a lot easier to communicate your meaning.

As for titles, perhaps something cutting like "etch" or "hatch".