Wet

[Lizzie]

Hi CarrieChristo. This one needs some pruning back to keep it true to the storyline and imagery. But it's carried my interest along by the interesting images and turns of phrase you have. In poetry, less is more -- it's the craft of saying as much as possible in as few words as possible. The good news is that your poem will be stronger for it.

OK, onward.

Wet

When the clouds came -- I would consider making this line your title and beginning the poem on the next line
The rain moaned down as sheets -- saying that rain came down like sheets is a cliche, but you've modified it and I think it works here because sheets plays in to the motif of a sexual relationship. My only quibble is that 'moaned down' is hard for me to say, so I'd play around with the wording and word choice to see if you can get that to flow more smoothly.
Severed sidewalks, filled their pleats -- I'm struggling to visualize this
Made the aspens kiss the streets -- beautiful line
Then licked my skin. -- also lovely -- I like the personification of the rain, but here you do have a continuity problem with your metaphors: sheets can't lick...
In the coolness of the storm
I swear you said “Come in.” -- another good line -- I like the direct address to another person
From the cobwebs of the closet
You ducked and plucked your boots -- I don't like the inversion of 'you ducked.' I'd prefer: "You ducked from the cobwebs of the closet, and plucked your boots."
Put them on my feet
Tied the laces neat. -- incomplete sentence with a missing comma at the end of the last line. And you don't need to capitalize the beginning of each line -- it's just confusing for the reader.
We walked hand-in-hand down asphalt
Mined street signs for their cobalt -- assuming that this is possible to do, how does this advance the poem? What is the cobalt for? What's the meaning of this line for the poem, or is it here for the rhyme?
Pressed the words into our tongues -- period at the end here?
Ignoring dust may clog our lungs -- you're out in the rain, and now there's dust? I thought the dust was inside in the closet?? Confused.
Embraced the pelting sleet. -- the lack of appropriate punctuation is becoming irksome. This isn't a complete sentence.

And in the eve of greater promise -- no idea what greater promise means here
You watched me dance.
Winking at the sky
It left you in a trance
It was then that you decided
We must be horribly misguided
So you searched the merchants
For umbrellas and  warm sweaters
To protect us from the weather
My titled chin thought she knew better -- what's a titled chin?
But if we still glide puddles together
I’ll give it a chance.
I blame
The drunken stupor of romance
Because as the walk-signs started running -- my favorite line. It's obviously not literal, and it serves to quicken the pace of the poem and heighten the tension. I wish I'd written it. You can lose "because" though.
And the buildings turned to towers -- maybe "as buildings turned to towers"
I felt the overbearing power -- I'm not sold on 'overbearing power' -- leaves me again wondering if it was chosen for rhyme. You don't have to keep a consistent rhyme scheme, so you can rhyme with out, running, romance, etc. I wouldn't go any farther back than that. Or, you can say: "I felt like a girl singing in the shower when the lights go out."
Of a girl singing in the shower
When the lights go out. -- I'd urge you to end the poem here. It might sound harsh, but I don't find anything that follows to be compelling. There's a lot of explanation in the rest, and I don't think anything really needs to be explained. I know that the water runs cold, etc. It's always better to end on a strong image than a "synopsis." When I was first reading this, my page ended at this line and I thought I was at the end -- I thought, "what a great ending!" So, I urge.

Another thing that I think is striking about ending it here is that there's a darkness, an abruptness to the ending of the good times, her singing comes to a chilly end. Ending on the shower scene also mirrors the rain in the beginning, but now it's not a sensual rain but an arctic ice bath. To me, that's stronger than ending on a growing mold image, which doesn't have a corollary anywhere in the beginning of the poem, unless you're comparing mold to dust. And there too, I think you might want to simplify and use a main core of images and stick with developing those.

And the water runs cold.
And the songs turn into screaming
While she’s panicking for meaning
Learning warmth is merely fleeting
And objects that welcome water turn to mold.

Believe the lies you’re told
And you’ll wince as his hands
Quickly start to fold
Around umbrella grips
That he gave you to hold
And before your eyes find anger
They find emptiness and shock
So uncontrolled.
He leaves now without looking back
And while you never ask for comfort
This somehow feels like attack
And you’re unconsoled.
Perched under the parkway
Sprouting mold
 

I very much enjoyed the voice, the tone of this piece. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Hope this helps,

Lizzie