Wet

[Brownlie]

Wet

When the clouds came - Do you need when? The clouds came. Isn't that stronger?
The rain moaned down as sheets -- How does rain moan as sheets? Sheets don't carry an auditory sensation. Maybe in sheets?
Severed sidewalks, filled their pleats - Couplets kind of suck. Just my opinion [edited]
Made the aspens kiss the streets -- Aspens just stand there, erect and stupid. 
Then licked my skin. -- What the hell is going on? If someone is licking skin, they're probably searching for a toothbrush in the near future. 
In the coolness of the storm
I swear you said “Come in.” -- Just throwing something out there. Sex storms are cliched. Why not have sex on a boring ass day and have everybody burst into flames because it was loud as crap and annoying. 
From the cobwebs of the closet -- Cobwebs of the closet? The  closet's cobwebs? Avoid unnecessary words. If you  have to edit, prune the shit out of whatever you can. I guess people hate reading, so reducing the word count is a sure-fire editing technique.
You ducked and plucked your boots
Put them on my feet
Tied the laces neat. - Tied the laces neat. This sounds like an email where you have to sound out of breath. 
We walked hand-in-hand down asphalt -- Down asphalt. Why emphasize asphalt? Every street is f'in asphalt. What's so  special about that it warrants the last word in a line. 
Mined street signs for their cobalt
Pressed the words into our tongues -- Everybody says words. Should tongue and words be in the same line in a poem nowadays? Idk, you better have a damn good reason. [edited]
Ignoring dust may clog our lungs --No shit. Is this a hazard sign without proper caps and colors for the warning?
Embraced the pelting sleet.

And in the eve of greater promise - The eve of greater promise? You can do better.  
You watched me dance.
Winking at the sky -- I never wink at the sky  unless I look up and it's raining. What are you? A turkey drowning to death?
It left you in a trance
It was then that you decided
We must be horribly misguided
So you searched the merchants -- The merchants? Are you  looking for a job at the mall and asking the help desk for a list of who is hiring? Or, do you like to hearken back to the days when shylock is a money grabbing bastard searching for a flank steak from some neckbeard ass dude who tries to get laid with stupid puzzles. 
For umbrellas and  warm sweaters
To protect us from the weather
My titled chin thought she knew better
But if we still glide puddles together
I’ll give it a chance.
I blame
The drunken stupor of romance
Because as the walk-signs started running
And the buildings turned to towers
I felt the overbearing power
Of a girl singing in the shower
When the lights go out.
And the water runs cold.
And the songs turn into screaming
While she’s panicking for meaning
Learning warmth is merely fleeting
And objects that welcome water turn to mold.

Believe the lies you’re told
And you’ll wince as his hands
Quickly start to fold
Around umbrella grips
That he gave you to hold
And before your eyes find anger
They find emptiness and shock
So uncontrolled.
He leaves now without looking back
And while you never ask for comfort
This somehow feels like attack
And you’re unconsoled.
Perched under the parkway
Sprouting mold
 

This critique has been edited in response to complaints received from members other than the OP. It has been left largely intact, however, as although the critic is rather obnoxious, he is also providing solid feedback in the spirit of the workshop.  All members are reminded that critique is not the place to show off and demand attention/ Admin