03-31-2017, 01:21 PM
Your last stanza is beautiful. I feel I'm there in the kitchen and I can sense my mother's motions and the "green" that she saves for the surface. I also loved the heaviness of the playground lifting children on shoulders. I would work with the baton bit, maybe make it more of a metaphor, the wording just feels slightly off. I am also a little unsure of the message. I want to know more about the brother. By the end I felt like I was in a daze, rightfully so, but why? Overall I loved the airiness of it.