03-30-2017, 05:58 AM
Hello Elizazile,
This is a nice short poem with a strong message. I particularly liked the use of the word “seize” as it sums up the main idea of this piece. There is a lot of passion in your poem, and that's very appropriate given its content.
If I have one suggestion, I would suggest extending the metaphor of the speaker and the world as two entangled lovers. I think that's a wonderful image and there is a lot of room to be creative.
Lastly, the final two lines of the poem are just wonderful. However, are the speaker and the world making love, or are they just doing something purely physical? This point isn't even a critique, but more of just a curiosity on my part. Overall, this is a great poem and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Keep writing,
Richard
This is a nice short poem with a strong message. I particularly liked the use of the word “seize” as it sums up the main idea of this piece. There is a lot of passion in your poem, and that's very appropriate given its content.
If I have one suggestion, I would suggest extending the metaphor of the speaker and the world as two entangled lovers. I think that's a wonderful image and there is a lot of room to be creative.
Lastly, the final two lines of the poem are just wonderful. However, are the speaker and the world making love, or are they just doing something purely physical? This point isn't even a critique, but more of just a curiosity on my part. Overall, this is a great poem and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Keep writing,
Richard