03-29-2017, 08:19 PM
Hi, Elizazile, welcome to the pigpen.
This is a strong, tight piece. I enjoy the title, not quite sure what I'll get but it was a relief to identify the subject of the poem and ponder Engaged in relationship to it.
I like the word seize, its hard, strong sound contrasts nicely with the softness of the rest of the poem and I like it with sweaty. I think the repeats work, L1 and the "not the". The POV is appealing, not staying aloof or chiseling away, just engaged, which is plenty.
Maybe someone else will be more helpful, I like it as is. Thanks for the read, I hope you enjoy the site.
This is a strong, tight piece. I enjoy the title, not quite sure what I'll get but it was a relief to identify the subject of the poem and ponder Engaged in relationship to it.
I like the word seize, its hard, strong sound contrasts nicely with the softness of the rest of the poem and I like it with sweaty. I think the repeats work, L1 and the "not the". The POV is appealing, not staying aloof or chiseling away, just engaged, which is plenty.
Maybe someone else will be more helpful, I like it as is. Thanks for the read, I hope you enjoy the site.
(03-29-2017, 05:08 PM)Elizazile Wrote: I just want to be able to say
I let this world seize me
And that I reached out and
Seized it too.
Not the day,
Not the moment,
I just want to be able to say
That whatever the timeline,
No matter the outcomes:
Me and this world
Had our sweaty hands all over each other.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips