Rewind (Revision)

[Lizzie]

Hey Todd. It's a great piece and hard to crit near-perfection. Here goes:

The chair rises from the floor -- makes me think of Poltergeist.
and you lower yourself
to sit down again, -- you could eliminate "down"
a ripple returning
to the pond’s surface. -- I like the "ripple....surface" bit. I've read the piece several times, and each time I need that little bit of help orienting myself in the scene because the first line is so destabilizing. I also agree with your comment about the pacing being too fast without something there. It doesn't need to be pond/ripples, per se, but something to help the reader orient in the scene is good. Your title helps with that of course, but I forget the title at the end of that first line.
Black smudges of mascara -- you could lose "black", but it's not disruptive.
race backward up your cheeks -- I'd take out "backward," it makes me think the tears should be running toward her ears like she's lying on her back. You don't need it really, the rewind theme is clear by this point.
to settle around shining eyes—now dry. -- I like "shining" because they make me think she was happy before the speaker began to speak. The "dry" issue is a bit beyond me, but I do like the sonics of 'dry, shining eyes.'
With your fork, you remove 
food from your mouth, and like an artist -- ella and you are both right about the commas. I'd punctuate thus: "...you remove food from your mouth and, like an artist, reconstruct..."  You do need commas to set off the phrase 'like an artist.' But ella is right that there's no additional subject from 'reconstruct' onward that would make a comma before 'and' necessary.
reconstruct the unchewed almond-crusted salmon 
with garlic crisp potatoes. I unclear
my throat so I cannot say,
“We need to talk.” -- perfect ending.

~~


Slight revisions from a NaPM thread

It's a beauty, Todd. Fantastic use of imagery.

Hope this helps,

Lizzie