Rewind (Revision)

[Achebe]

The chair rises from the floor
and you lower yourself
to sit down again, 
a ripple returning
to the pond’s surface..... did the original have "point" somewhere?
Black smudges of mascara  ... this line feels a little clunky to me. I'd have preferred just " mascara smudges/ race etc"

race backward up your cheeks
to settle around shining eyes—now dry.
With your fork, you remove 
food from your mouth, and like an artist
reconstruct the unchewed almond-crusted salmon .... the vividity! I swoon
with garlic crisp potatoes. I unclear...:brilliant brilliant detail in "garlic"
my throat so I cannot say,
“We need to talk.”.... phenomenal ending

~~


Slight revisions from a NaPM thread

This is close to a perfect poem. My favourite from last year's NaPM.
Sorry, can't suggest too many changes. It's glorious.